It’s times like this where it absolutely sucks to be a member of the non-working class. 

Frankly, there’s never a good time to be in this group — unless you’ve hit the lotto, or happened to be born or married into insurmountable wealth  where having a job might be considered in bad taste because it distracts you from mastering your equestrian and yachting skills. 

But right now, I am especially experiencing a gut punch from reality, as I sit here grasping onto a fragrance sample as if the vial contained crack, instead of something so hypnotically beautiful on my skin.  It’s a sample of a scent called “Iris Ukiyoe”, and it is one of nine scents from the Hermes Hermessence Collection.  I was hoping to also get a sample of the “Vetiver Tonka”, but I didn’t want to push my luck and be greedy.  The sales lady was already bored with me and my browsing.  

While walking the streets of London, I foolishly thought it was a good idea to walk into Hermes as a motivator and reminder that better days were to come.  Instead, I ended up falling madly and obsessively in love with two fragrances that cost $230 each… effectively killing my carefree buzz and reminding me that I either need to get it together, or learn Arabic fast and eschew any hopes of being in a monogamous relationship because I would be joining a harem to support my expensive habit.

After spending three relaxing days in the English countryside — where my friend’s mom has a garden filled with so many fragrant flowers, including the Iris — experiencing these fragrances was the next best thing.  They also didn’t flare up my allergies as much. 

Created by Jean-Claude Ellena, Hermes’ in-house perfumer, each scent is an olfactory journey to far away places such as Japan, Beijing, and Brazil.  With exotic scents like Ambre Narguile, Rose Ikebana and Paprika Brasil amongst its roster, each coming with its own leather case and presented in the iconic signature orange box, it’s the closest thing to having my very own Kelly bag. 

Lies… nothing will ever compensate for a Kelly, but at the moment I have a better chance of getting a bottle for my birthday.  I’m imagining that by then I’ll have gotten over my silly self-imposed decision to be single, and find a guy who likes me enough to cough up that much for something without wheels or wi-fi. 

Until then, my hustle is in full effect so that I may add that to the list of things to get when my head is back above water… and able to breathe, and smell, and delight in something so decadent, that for a moment, I actually felt like my equestrian days were within reach.